guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
