i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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