oh god the rape fog is back!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
