Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
