Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
