i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
