I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
