I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I did not marry a roomba.
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