evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
