apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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