Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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