nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
