Will you blow on my dice?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
