Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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