apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
