dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
