Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
