you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you never un-have a 4some
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
