Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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