Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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