if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dick very happy bro
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
