The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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