He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
