I'm drive I can fine osifer
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
