You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
