me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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