i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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