So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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