ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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