Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
