I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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