You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
