This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
