you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
