I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
