We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
