The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
