Already got asked if we're dating
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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