I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
