And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
