So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
