So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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