after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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