pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
