Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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