i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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