I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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