Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
And then he peed in my hair
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