After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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