My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
