I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
