currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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