Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
